


My dizzy head is numb (but my heart is never giving up).

by lumoon33



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, and calum wants him to, and he wants to, i'm not good with tags, just michael struggling with his feelings because he can't kiss calum, larry stylinson (mentioned), malum, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1511801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumoon33/pseuds/lumoon33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael knows that he shouldn't let Calum sleep next to him in the same bed, because Calum's hair is messed up and his face is sleepy and Michael wants to kiss him and he can't.</p><p> </p><p>But Michael is not strong enough to push him away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My dizzy head is numb (but my heart is never giving up).

**Author's Note:**

> I really needed to write a malum.
> 
> English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for the mistakes.  
> Hope you like it x

Michael lets himself fall into the bed with his eyes closed and still dressed up, feeling exhausted after that night's concert. He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, looking at the white ceiling. 

He should get up, he thinks. He should get up and close the door and undress himself and get into bed. But he also thinks that he can't, his body feels too heavy tonight.

"You aren't getting up, are you?" says a voice that comes from the bedroom door. 

Michael smiles a little and lifts his head from the bed, he has to close his eyes during a second because his head's spinning fast, but he opens them again to look at Calum, he's standing on the door frame, his arms crossed over his bare chest. Michael smiles wider.

"I feel like I can't move anymore" he mutters and his head falls in the bed again.

He can hear the door being closed and, a few seconds later, Calum's lying next to him, their shoulders pressed together.

"Is there something interesting in the ceiling?" Calum asks and Michael shrugs, his tshirt brushing against Calum's bare shoulder.

"I don't really care, I just don't feel like moving."

Michael feels Calum moving beside him, and suddenly his friend's on top of him, straddling his hips, his face blocking his view of the ceiling, but Michael likes the view he has now. He just stares at Calum with tired eyes.

"Hi" he whispers, and Calum answers with a little smile.

"You need to move," he says and his right hand goes to Michael's face, caressing his cheek slowly "you have to change your clothes" his hand moves to Michael's nose and caresses the way down to his lips "You can't sleep like this".

Michael has his eyes closed and he decides that he's not opening them again until tomorrow morning.

"I'm serious" he says, sighing when Calum's hand goes to his ear "I can't move."

Calum's hand stops then and Michael feels him getting off of him, but he doesn't go away, he lays down beside Michael again, an arm over Michael's chest.

"Okay. We're sleeping like this, then" he whispers, and Michael can hear his voice in his ear.

Michael turns his head to face Calum. He feels Calum's breath over his lips and he keeps his eyes closed, because he knows that if he opens them, he would be looking right into Calum's eyes, and he would want to kiss Calum, and he can't kiss Calum.

So he just keeps his eyes closed, and feels Calum's presence close to him as he falls asleep.

 

  
\----

 

  
Michael is hot. His tshirt and his jeans are making him sweat.

He opens his eyes and finds himself looking right at Calum's sleepy face in the darkness. He tries to move his head to look around, but his neck hurts a lot.

He groans and Calum moves beside him.

"What's up?" Calum's voice is low and his breath hits Michael's neck. It tickles.

"I'm sweating" Michael whispers, and Calum sits a little, looking at him with his eyes more closed than opened. 

"I told ya you shouldn't sleep with your clothes on."

Calum moves again and Michael follows him with his eyes. He sits in the bed with his legs crossed and he rests his hands over Michael's tshirt.

"Can't you move?" Michael shakes his head a little "Try to rise your arms".

And Michael tries to, and he rises them and it really hurts. His whole body hurts a lot. He thinks he's not going to be able to get out of bed ever again. 

"Good" Calum whispers and then Michael can feel his tshirt being lifted. 

The cold air in the room makes Michael tremble as Calum gets him out of his clothes, his shirt first (he has some trouble with Michael's head, but he takes it off with a triumphant smile) and then his jeans. 

Michael is just in his boxers and Calum is lying next to him, his arm around his now naked chest again, and he's supposed to feel colder, but he feels hotter than before and his breath is leaving his body faster than before. He feels his throat dry.

Michael wonders if Calum can feel his heart beating fast and hard inside his chest, he wonders if he can listen to it. He turns his head to look into Calum's brown eyes and find the answer, but they are closed again, so Michael just sighs and tries to sleep. 

It's difficult, Calum's body against him makes it difficult.

 

  
\-----

 

  
"Mike, wake up" Calum's voice sounds lower than before and Michael thinks that maybe he's imagining it "C'mon, Michael" but a cold hand shakes his shoulder and it makes him open his eyes.

"What do you want?" he whispers when he sees Calum's face really close to his.

"'I'm freezing, I wanna get into bed."

Michael frowns and looks to his right, Calum's bed is there, good made and empty.

"Get into it, then" he answers, looking at Calum again.

"Wanna sleep with you"  Calum mutters, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.   
Michael knows they shouldn't, but he is too sleepy to disagree and he really likes the idea of having Calum's body against his own the whole night, so he groans and rolls off the bed, almost falling on the floor when he tries to stand up.

Calum pulls at the blankets and gets inside the bed, patting the spot by his side. Michael gets in, the sheets are warm because of them sleeping over them before, he cuddles on himself giving his back to Calum, because he knows that they shouldn't be sleeping together, and Calum's hair is messed up and his face is sleepy and if Michael looks at him he will kiss him, and he can't. So he gives his back to Calum, but when an arm curls over his waist he can't help the little smile that appears on his lips, and he takes Calum's hand in his.

Calum's chest is hot against his back and his voice sounds soft when he mutters "night, Mikey" before falling asleep again.

 

  
\----

 

  
When Michael opens his eyes because of the morning light hitting his face, he's not giving his back to Calum anymore, he is lying on his back and Calum is snuggled by his side, with his head resting in Michael's shoulder.

Calum is sleeping peacefully, slow breaths escaping his mouth and tickling Michael's neck. Michael can't help the warm feeling that invades his chest when Calum entangles their legs under the blankets, as if he's trying to get even closer.

Michael gets an arm out of the sheets and places his hand in Calum's cheek gently, he doesn't want to wake him up. He strokes the skin there with his thumb, moving his hand slowly until he sinks his fingers in Calum's soft hair, he plays with it for a while, it feels nice in Michael's fingertips, but then Calum's lips part and Michael bites him lip, moving his hand again, he rests it in Calum's jaw and runs his thumb over Calum's lower lip, it is rough because his lips are chapped, but somehow it feels even better than the soft skin in Calum's cheek and Michael has to bite his own lip even harder.

"Kiss me" Calum says suddenly, with his voice rough because of the sleep and his eyes are still closed.

Michael giggles quietly.

"No" he answers whispering, but he doesn't take his hand away.

"C'mon, kiss me" Calum says again, and now he opens his eyes, just a little, to look right into Michael's green ones.

Michael shakes his head and helps himself with his forearm to sit up a little, making Calum's head fall from his shoulder into the pillow. He looks down at Calum, who is looking at him with tired, sleepy eyes, and his breath gets caught in his throat for a second.

"Please" Calum whispers and he raises one of his hands to place it in the back of Michael's head, playing with his hair, making Michael tremble a little.

Michael really wants to kiss him. His thumb is still stroking softly Calum's lower lip, and it is still rough against his fingertip and he can't stop thinking how it would feel against his own lips. 

"I can't" Michael says, still whispering. He leans closer to Calum until his foreheads are pressed together and he takes a deep, long breath, trying to calm down his heart, which has been running frantically since the first words Calum has said this morning, but it doesn't work. It doesn't work because when he takes a deep breath, all that he's breathing is Calum's smell and it makes his heart go even faster, if it is possible "You know I can't."

"I know you want to" Calum replies, moving his hand from Michael's hair to his neck, caressing his skin slowly. He swallows hard before he speaks again "And I want you to. I've been wanting to kiss you for such a long time, I don't want to wait any longer" his voice is still rough and Michael's hand is still in his jaw and his breath is hitting Michael's lips and Michael thinks he is really close to losing his mind for this boy "I want you to kiss me. Now. Mike, please."

Michael lets out a frustrated groan and hides his face in Calum's neck, he breaths in Calum's smell and strokes the soft skin in his neck with his nose. His moves his hand from Calum's jaw and places it in his shoulder, drawing circles in it with his fingers. 

Michael lets his body fall a little over Calum's, and Calum's breathing speeds up at the feeling of Michael's weight over him.

"Please" he mutters again and Michael groans one more time when Calum's hand caresses his back.

"I can't" Michael repeats into Calum's ear. He presses a light kiss there and then another one in his neck, longer this time, licking his hot skin, and Calum sighs and digs his nails into Michael's back, tearing a moan out of him.

"You know, I liked it better when we were younger" Calum says, his voice cracks a little at the end because of his heavy breathing. Michael doesn't answer, he keeps spreading kisses all over Calum's neck "You kissed me everytime I asked you to. You kissed me whenever you wanted. It was- it was perfect" Calum grabs Michael's hair and pulls a little, making him leave his neck and look at him in the eyes "I miss that. I miss us."

"It was simpler when we were younger" Michael mutters, he can't help the feeling of nostalgia that settles down in him then. He misses those years too, when they weren't famous and they didn't have to worry about what people could think "I miss that too."

"But it is still simple" Calum complains, running his fingers through Michael's hair "I want to be with you. You want to be with me. That's it. Simple."

Half a smile appears in Michael's lips and he presses their foreheads together again, looking fondly at the boy under him.

"I wish it was really that easy."

"It is." Calum says softly.

"No, it isn't. And you know it" Michael says and he bites his lips hard, because Calum is breathing against them and that really makes him want to kiss him "Look at Harry and Louis. It's so hard for them. Loving someone that much and not being allowed to say a thing about it must hurt so bad. And then the fake relationships, the rumors, the dramas with the fans and so much more shit. It would be just the same for us."

Calum remains in silence for a while, just looking into Michael's green eyes and playing with his hair.

"But I wouldn't care, it would be worth it. You're worth it" he whispers finally, and Michael swears to god that he can feel those butterflies the books talk about, flying crazy in his stomach, making him feel a little dizzy, but it's a good feeling "I just want to be with you. I need you to kiss me."

Michael swallows and sighs, closing his eyes hard until he sees little lights behind his eyelids.

"Stop making it harder" he whispers really quietly.

"I'm not making it any harder" Calum complains and he runs his fingertips over Michael's forehead, over his nose, his lips, his cheeks, setting his skin on fire with every soft touch "It's really simple: I fucking miss your lips."

And it's right there when Michael gives up.

He opens his eyes and looks right into Calum's and his eyes are so clear, sincere, he feels like everything is really simple again. It is the same thing it was when they were 15 years old, he wants to kiss Calum, Calum wants him to kiss him, nothing has changed. And he wants to forget about the fans, the music and the fame.

He just wants to be with Calum.

So he licks his lips and leans in, crashing their lips together, swallowing the surprised noise that comes out from Calum's mouth.

It all comes in a rush, making Michael feel dizzy. The memories of the two of them when they were younger and carefree, stealing kisses from each other whenever they wanted, how it felt, right and nice, good, new and electrifying. And how it feels now, he can't put it into words, Calum's lips moving hungrily, almost desperate against his own, it leaves him breathless, he feels like the world is spinning, slowly disappearing, until all that's left are the two of them, Calum setting his skin on fire with his hands moving all over his body, the lust taking over him, making him press himself even harder against Calum, exploring, remembering, every corner of his mouth. 

He has missed it so fucking much. The way Calum is able to make him forget every doubt, every worry. He makes him feel nervous and excited, safe and sure, at the same time. He makes everything simple and it's the most comforting feeling ever.

Michael bites at Calum's lower lip and it makes him moan and move his hips up, grinding against Michael's. 

The pleasure is too much, Michael is breathless and his head is spinning, heartbeats sounding fast and loud in his ears. 

He stops kissing Calum but he lets their lips touching. It feels like it's too much, it's overwhelming, all the memories, the old feelings and the new ones filling him up. Calum's heavy breath mixed up with his own, his chest moving fast, his hands in Michael's hips, pressing their bodies together as much as he can.

"No" Calum breaths out "Don't you dare to stop now. I missed this so much. I missed you so fucking much."

Michael kisses him again, because he has missed him a lot too, and now that he has given up, he's decided to not missing Calum anymore. 

And Michael is so damn in love. Calum is filling him up with his presence, drowning him with his touches. He can't think straight anymore, he just can feel. Feel Calum's hands stroking his skin, feel Calum's lips moving frantically against his own, feel Calum's hips grinding against his.

It's overwhelming and he's so damn in love and he knows now that Calum is right and it is worth it.

Michael doesn't know what is going to happen to them now, he doesn't know if it is going to be as bad as it is for Harry and Louis. But he knows that he's tired of being worried, he's tired of thinking, he's tired of being away from Calum.  

He just knows that he loves Calum, Calum loves him. He wants to kiss Calum, Calum wants him to kiss him. He wants to feel this overwhelmed all the time. 

And it's simple. And worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading it, it means the world. It is my first malum so tell me what you think about it, pretty please :)


End file.
